A SERMON
Preached on Sunday Morning March 26th, 1865
By Mister JAMES WELLS
At the Surrey Tabernacle, Borough Road
Volume 7 Number 329
We have observed, in our last sermon upon these words, that the friend on his journey that came to his friend may be spiritualized to represent a quickened conscience; and when God quickens the soul, the conscience then comes in upon the man, and makes such demands, and becomes so clamorous, and makes the man so unhappy, that he never will be happy until he realizes that which in reality as a sinner he needs. I shall never forget the time when God turned my conscience into an effectual friend to me. I labored and toiled by my own doings to obtain peace and to get satisfaction; but I do desire to bless the Lord that he dealt with me as he will with all his children, he will not let them rest until he brings them to himself, until he brings them into the very subject contained in our text, namely, that he will supply all our needs, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. And you observe the littleness of this prayer in comparison of the greatness of the promise. He said, “Lend me three loaves.” And just so it is; the sinner, before he clearly understands his state as a sinner, and clearly understands the provision the Lord has made, he thinks that if the Lord will spare him he will pay him all back again; if the Lord will but lend him a few days, but lend him a little time, he will be so good that the Lord shall not repent of his kindness, and the Lord shall not be sorry that he has been kind to him, for he will make it all up. These are our weak ideas, until the Lord is pleased to strip us of all this, and to make us leave off the thoughts of borrowing, for that we should never be able to pay again; and so in the Lord's own time we find that he does not lend, but that he gives; we find that it is not conditional, but unconditional.
There are many other things connected with and contained in our text which we have not noticed; but there are three chief points which I will, the Lord enabling me, handle this morning. The first is, the time in which this person went to his friend; it was at midnight. The second is, the personal authority which he obtained; the friend himself promised to arise, and give him as many as he needed. And the third and last is the liberality; “as many as he needs.”
First, then, I notice the time, it was midnight. That is apparently a very unseasonable time, midnight. It was a very discouraging sort of time; it was a time that seemed unseasonable, it was midnight. And does not this represent a sinner when first convinced of sin? His sins have made it midnight with his soul. Ah! he says, but for this dark sin, and that dark sin, and the other dark sin, I might look to God, I might pray to God, I might go to him. But alas! alas! if I look back, I see I have been in darkness, I am a child of the night, and it is midnight with my soul. It is a great mercy thus to find out our ignorance and our darkness. But, as we observed last Lord's Day, here was reconciliation to the friend; there was a friend to look to; and so such an one, in this period of darkness, he hears of a friend, and that friend is, in the first place, the Lord Jesus Christ. If I may venture to spiritualize this part, to take the friend appealed to, to represent the Lord Jesus Christ; and we begin to learn by degrees, for I shall now not tie myself exactly to the words of the text, but rather take the spirit of it, and so avail myself of the things that are suggested hereby. Now this person, then, to whom he appealed was a friend; and such an one bears that the Lord Jesus Christ is a friend to sinners. And how did he show that friendship? He showed it in everything he did, and in everything he said; he showed it by his wondrous life of devotion to God; and he showed it by taking their sins upon himself, laying down his life for them, putting away their sins by the sacrifice of himself; and he showed this by ascending to heaven, and taking them virtually with him; and he showed this by sending down the Holy Spirit into the hearts of men; in a word, that Christ Jesus is the friend of sinners, and that Jesus Christ is the gift of God, and expressive therefore of God's love to man, and that Jesus Christ is the great theme which the Holy Spirit reveals. Thus, then it has become midnight darkness with us as sinners; our sins have turned our day, our original day we had in the first Adam, into night, turned our state into night, and turned our death into a dark night, for death to the wicked man is a dark night; and judgment, the ultimate judgment, will be a dark night, for there is no night in heaven, so there is no day in hell. Thus, then, it is midnight. The time, then, sets forth, I think, that conviction under which the Lord brings those of whom he is the teacher. And this darkness, this apparently unseasonable time, discourages them. Hence it was with the Pharisee, he considered he had never done anything; and men generally attach a great deal more importance to outward faults than they do to elements and abominations that lie in our hearts, and which keep our hearts the habitations of devils, and keep their enmity against the truth of God. Hence the Pharisee; it did not appear to him to be midnight, it appeared to him to be light; he looked around, he could not see himself in darkness; all his works appeared to be works of light, and it appeared to be light to him. And of course, the publican was just the reverse; the publican's sins were brought to his mind; he saw his sins, he saw the darkness he was in, he saw what an impenetrable cloud they were, and he saw the curse of heaven attached to those sins. Now the Pharisee went boldly up and thanked God that he was not as other men; but the publican came, like the man in our text, from necessity; he came entreating, he came imploring, “God be merciful to me a sinner.” Now, then, seeing we are in this darkness, how are we met? I say, how are we met? Why, here is the answer; and as sure as we exist, if this our state be discovered to us, and that Jesus Christ is the only way, every one that thus sees the Son, and believes in him, shall come out of darkness; the darkness shall pass away, and the true light shall shine. “Look unto me, and be you saved;” that is, look unto God in that order in which he is a Savior; “Look unto me, and be you saved;” it must be in that order in which he if a Savior, and that is by the atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ. And the publican said, “God be merciful to me a sinner.” And how are we met in this? Why, we are met thus: “I, even I, am he that blots out your sins as a cloud.” Well, now, can we not this morning truly and solemnly say before God that he has made us sensible of this, that it is midnight with us as sinners considered, and that our sins between us and God have made an impenetrable cloud, and must remain so for aught we could do? Therefore, he reminds us that it is his own work to pass this darkness off. “I, even I, am he that blots out your sins as a cloud, and your transgressions as a thick cloud; return unto me, for I have redeemed you.” So, we are to look to him by the eternal redemption the Savior has wrought. Now this midnight, then, I say, represents a sinner awakened to a sight and sense of what and where he is as a sinner; the consequence is, his face is turned toward the light and his prayer is with David, “Send out your light and your truth.” Hence, we find the prophet giving us a beautiful representation of the Lord turning the night into day by the ministry of the word; and then, on the other hand, in relation to others, turning the day into night. Hence, then, the sinner, or the man who is thus made sensible of his state, and knows his need of the Lord Jesus Christ, that man's night shall be turned into day; that man's darkness shall be turned into light; that man's sins shall become as white as snow, they shall become as wool; the scene shall be so wondrously changed that such an one will feel an infinity of indebtedness to God in his love and mercy. Now the prophet Amos gives us a beautiful representation of this matter of turning night into day, “Seek him that makes the seven stars,” which verse I take altogether spiritually. I take the seven stars there to mean the prophets and apostles, a definite number to denote an indefinite number. Hence, you are aware, the seven ministers of the seven ancient Asiatic churches are called seven stars, that he holds the seven stars in his right hand. “Seek him that makes the seven stars.” As it was the work of God to make the stars literally, it was the work of God to make prophets, and it was the work of God to make apostles, and it is the work of God to make Christians, and it is the work of God to make ministers. So we are to seek him that makes the seven, the seven, as you are aware, the word of God holds to be the representation of completeness; and so every man that is sent of God is sure to preach Christ in his completeness, and to preach the Holy Spirit's work in its completeness, that he that begins the good work will carry it on; and to preach God the Father in the completeness of his love, and promise, and covenant, and to preach the ultimate blessedness of the church in its completeness, and the seven stars, “Seek him that makes the seven stars;” seek him whose work is complete; seek him who begins and finishes his work; seek him that finishes the new heaven and the new earth, and all the host of them. And then if we take another scripture, we shall get a pretty clear light upon this matter of coming forth into the light, “Seek him that makes the seven stars and Orion.” And we have four questions asked upon this in the Book of Job, “Can you bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?” The constellation, in one passage in Job, called the Pleiades, is by Amos called the seven stars. They mean one and the same thing. “Can you bind the sweet influences of Pleiades,” or these seven stars? Why, the prophets of old, what a sweet influence they ministerially had with those that God was pleased to have mercy upon! I could give many instances of this from the Old Testament, but I will not stop to do so now, because many other things I have to say. “Can you bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?” Come to the New Testament. Oh, how sweet were the influences of John the Baptist to every poor sinner that felt his need! John standing and saying, “Behold the Lamb of God, that takes away the sin of the world;” and by precious faith in him, the night, the clouds, the tempest, the darkness, all passed away. The Sun of righteousness rose upon their souls. How sweet the influences! and how sweet the influences of the dear Savior upon all those he called! Ah! when he said to one, “Son, be of good cheer.” What, Lord, have I to be of good cheer about? Why, “your sins are forgiven you.” Then, Lord, I am of good cheer, for nothing can make me of so much good cheer as that.
“If sin be pardoned, I'm secure,
Death has no sting beside;
The law gave sin its damning power,
But Christ, my ransom, died.”
And when he said to the woman, “Go your way, your faith has saved you;” and to another, “Go in peace, for your faith has made you whole;” and when the apostles preached on the day of Pentecost, and on the other occasions, how sweet their influences! “Can you bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?” No, not so now. Even the ordinary ministers whom the Lord has now, however humble their gifts, and talents, and speaking powers may be, when the Holy Spirit is pleased to attend the word with savor, the influence cannot be bound. As said the apostle, “The word of God is not bound.” And it is by the word of God that the sweet influence of the Savior's sweet voice, lovingkindness, dear and precious name, for there is nothing unpleasant in Christ; he is altogether pleasant; his countenance is comely even as Lebanon. At the gates of truth are laid up “all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.” What a mercy then, that some of us can say that we are brought into this path; that we know something of our state as sinners, and something of our need of Christ to blot out this darkness, and bring us into light; and that we are brought to seek the best friend after the order of ministerial perfection! The seven stars. “Can you lose the bands of Orion?” That I take to mean the other side of the ministry of the prophets and apostles. The Lord said to the apostles, “What you lose on earth shall be loosed in heaven; whose so ever sins you remit, they are remitted.” There is sweet influence. But there was another side to their ministry, “He that believes not shall be damned;” and those who live and die enemies to the gospel, the apostles solemnly declared their state, and you cannot lose their bands. What they appointed to death must die; what they appointed to be lost must be lost; what they denounced as objects of God's wrath must fall under that wrath. But I do desire to bless the Lord that there is only one caste of character that I am aware of that either the prophets or the apostles ever denounced as inevitably lost, that that is those that die in unbelief. We see up to the last moment, we see the thief on the cross, we see how grace, free grace, can reign when God has purposed it should reign. Let us then bless the Lord, for it is very encouraging to ministers, and very encouraging to the people, to think that none must be looked at as inevitably lost that are yet in this world, that are yet on this side of Jordan. No. If I am preaching this morning to some that are still unbelievers, that is, perhaps you have a good natural, moral belief of the Bible, but no conviction of your state, no spirit of grace and supplication, no real weighty concern that accords with the solemnities of the soul, and with the awfulness of your state as a sinner, or with the tremendous agonies of Emmanuel, or with the greatness of eternal glory. Perhaps you have no concern that corresponds with these eternal things; but it does not follow that you shall not. Still go on, hear the word, and the time may come when one ray of light after another, one blessing after another, shall descend from heaven into your soul, if the Lord is not pleased to work instantaneously, for he sometimes does work very gradually, and by and bye you shall come into the weighty matters of faith, judgment, and mercy. And therefore, think not that we are going to label you to hell because you are at present dead in sin. If you are dead in sin, you are alive in this world; you are not in hell yet, and you never will be, except you die in unbelief, and enmity, and ignorance of God's truth. “Can you lose the bands of Orion?” No. When once the sinner lifts up his eyes in hell, there he is forever. The bands of his sins that bind him cannot be loosed; the bands of the law that binds him cannot be loosed; the bands of justice cannot be loosed; the bands of God's eternal decree cannot be loosed; the bands of almighty wrath cannot be loosed; yet my hearer, these bands of Orion, for that is a constellation of stars literally which I am now spiritualizing, to express the other side of the ministry of the prophets and apostles, these tremendous bands cannot be loose only by an almighty Savior; and these bands can be loosed in us to let our souls into life, and for us to seek God acceptably, only by the power of the almighty Spirit of the blessed God. “Seek him,” then, “that makes the seven stars and Orion, and” now mark that, “turns the shadow of death into the morning.” There it is; there you get rid of the midnight, “that turns the shadow of death into the morning.” “Watchman, what of the night? what of the night? The morning comes.” Bless God for that. “The morning comes.” “Unto you that fear my name,” that walk in darkness and have no light; unto you that begin to tremble at my words; unto you whose consciences have come to you in a way they never did before, and you feel unhappy, because you are in a state of famine and destitution; “unto you that” thus “fear my name;” and therefore “he that walks in darkness and has no light, let him trust in the Lord, and stay himself upon his God” “unto you shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings.” And if I were to analyze for a moment the rays of the Sun of righteousness, I would call them the rays of redemption, the rays of mercy, the rays of lovingkindness, the rays of precious promises, the rays of righteousness; yes, the light of the Sun of righteousness is made up of these things. It is a light that is divine. He may well be said to have healing in his wings; for when Jesus thus shines into the soul, who shall undertake to describe what that scene is? I know, a great many years ago, just after I was brought into the liberty of the gospel, when I was laid up on the bed of affliction, I made sure I was going to die; my medical attendant said I must die, and that delighted me amazingly. I was just brought then into this morning light; the Lord had first turned the shadow of death into the morning light; and I saw such wonders in the Savior, in God, in heaven, in eternity, I can say that my whole delight was in the thought that in a few hours, or at most a few more days, would land me where the wicked cease from troubling, and where the weary are at rest. I have never been once from that day to this in such a state of mind as I was then; and I don't believe the medical man, he did his best, I won't speak disrespectfully, I don't believe his medicine did me any good; I believe it was my eagerness to go that kept me here, for I do really believe that the happiness of my soul healed my body; and so really do think that the very happiness I had in the thought of going was the means of my staying here longer. However, so it was. I mention it first to show that, bless the Lord, his people do not follow cunningly devised fables; they know something of the coming and power of the Lord Jesus Christ. There is a wondrous and a glorious reality when he thus turns the shadow of death into the morning light. But he also “makes the day dark with night!” I will illustrate that side by only one point. There was a man whose prospects were splendid. “I will pull down my barns” well, no harm in that; “and I will build greater, for I have not room to store my goods” no harm in that; “and I will say to my soul, Soul, you have much goods laid up for many years; take your ease, eat, drink, and be merry.” Ah! that's where you are wrong. There is no harm in pulling down little barns, and no harm in building great ones, and no harm in filling them; the harm is in your selfishness. Now if you had said, I will build greater, and all the good I can do I will; “of all that you give me, I will surely give a tenth unto you,” all! then you would have put your money into the right bank; then you would have been a wise man; then you never would have acted the fool you did here. But it was all for self, all for self; and the Lord said, “You fool, this night shall your soul be required of you,” that selfish soul of yours that is not worthy to exist even in my very providence. “This night shall your soul be required of you; then who's shall these things be?” There God turned the day into night; there he darkened the earth in the clear day, and caused the sun to go down at noon. May the Lord help us then, while we see the uncertainty of everything under the sun more and more to rejoice that there is a path, namely, the path of faith in Christ, called the path of the just, where there is no night, where the light shines more and more unto the perfect day, Thus, then, here is a midnight, and by Jesus Christ that midnight pastes away, and we are led to seek him represented by the seven stars, to denote the completeness of the ministry of the word. Christ is said to have seven horns, to denote the completeness of his power, and seven eyes; to denote the completeness of his knowledge; so, here is a completeness; the Lord thus turns the night into day. Perhaps I need not say more upon this point, then, the midnight. So then I say to any of you, for it's very often midnight with the Christian, not only when first made sensible of his state, but afterwards as well, there is a great deep, you know, in the sovereignty of God, in suffering tribulations and circumstances to overtake the people of God. Look at Job's affliction, look at a great many others. You recollect last Lord's Day morning we ran through the Lord's prayer, and the question came before us in that part, “Lead us not into temptation,” the question then was, does the Lord lead us into temptation? My answer was, that he does lead into temptation. He does not tempt any one; but he in sovereignty, in deep sovereignty, I gave some proofs of it then, and I will mention another presently, places men where he knows they will be tempted, and that to their ruin. Perhaps there is no circumstance in the Bible more solemn upon this matter than this one, that the very first man that the great God created, he placed him by his providence where he knew that Satan would come in, and take advantage of the position in which Adam was, that he would tempt Adam, that Adam would eat of the fruit, that Adam would involve himself and his whole posterity in remediless woe, I say remediless woe, as far as the creature could do anything to help himself. Will you say, God did not foresee the fall? I should not like to say that; I must deny his omniscience if I do. Shall I say he could not prevent the fall? I should deny his power if I did that. Must I say he knew not how to prevent the fall? I should deny his skill if I did that. He placed man sovereignly where he did. Do you reply against it? Who are you, O man, that replies against God? To my mind there is an infinity of depth in man being so placed. We get a clear explanation, or at least a degree of explanation, as far as one part of the human race is concerned, in that advantage God has taken of the fall to show the infinite riches of his grace in his kindness toward us by Christ Jesus. But whether I am wrong or whether I am right, whether I am approved or disapproved, sympathized with or hated and detested, there is one thing I cannot help, and if it be an infirmity, I can't help it, that my soul holds the sovereignty of God in the profoundest reverence. He cannot be brought under all the laws we are brought under; he can do ten million of things, not because they are right, but they are right because he does them. he is God over all, and can do as he pleases, and he can do that which, in human law, would be infinitely unjust; but who shall arraign their Maker at their bar? Who are you? what are you? a piece of clay. I believe our place is the lowest valley of humiliation. I believe our place is to stand at a distance, and treat with reverence the solemn right of the great God to do as he pleases amidst the armies of the heavens, the inhabitants of the earth, and all the deep places. Ten thousand times ten thousand things twice told can be accounted for only by the sovereignty of the great God. One more scripture: “God suffered all nations to walk in their own ways.” Was he the author of their sin? No. Was he the author in any way of the revolting things described in the 1st of the Romans and the 18tli of Leviticus? No; but sovereignly he suffered Satan thus to reign; he suffered his creature, man, to be thus subjected to sin and Satan, for ends, perhaps, to be more clearly explained when eternity shall reveal more plainly the deeps of his counsels and the wonders of time. You, if there be any here so disposed, may treat the sovereignty of God with lightness if you please, but you cannot overturn it. I believe your very stature is measured by his sovereignty. Why was I a man? Sovereignty of God. Why were you a woman? Sovereignty of God? Why do you live so long? Sovereignty of God? Why do you live there? Sovereignty of God. Why do you have certain gifts? Sovereignty of God. Why do you succeed in this, and cannot succeed in that? Sovereignty of God. Get away from that, and you get away from everything. I know the sovereignty of God, while it is an unfathomable deep and commands in my soul the profoundest reverence, yet I feel, without that sovereignty, I could have no hope; because if God did not do as he pleased, then someone else must do as they please. And who is that someone else? I should be very sorry for the matter to be taken out of the hands of the Lord, and for someone else to have their way. So, it is my delight to think, that while he has predestinated us to an inheritance in Christ Jesus, that in order to accomplish that great end, he works all things after the counsel of his own will, thus, then, it is a great thing to discover our midnight darkness, to seek the Lord in the right way; it is a great thing to be brought down to his feet, and acknowledge his right to have mercy upon whom he will have mercy. Some of you young Christians, when I am dead, the Lord will lead you more and more into these things. Never give up the authority of the Lord; never admit that the creature has any dominion over him; never admit any fallibility in the God of your salvation; always contend for the blessed truth that his counsel shall stand, and he will do all his pleasure.
I am anticipating my second point, indeed, have run through it almost, without noticing I have come to it, namely, the personal authority which he obtained; “He will rise and give him.” Ah! if the master gave me the loaves, I shall be right; but if the servant slips a loaf or two out of the back door, he may think he is very benevolent, but he is acting dishonestly, he is giving his master's property away without his authority. Suppose he gives me these loaves, and then the master comes out afterwards and asks me how I got them, and I say, “Oh, your servant gave them to me!” “Ah! but my servant had no right to part with my property.” So that people have no right to be benevolent with other people's property. Here then is an appeal to the master. “He will rise.” Why, if the servant had brought a dozen loaves to the man, he would have said “I don't know, I am afraid to receive them; I want to come by them honestly; you are not at liberty even to lend, much less to give.” Just so it is spiritually, you cannot take the gospel by the servant. If I come and say to you, Now there is a promise for you, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Ah, say you, I can't take it by your giving it; no, no. Here is a promise for you; “My God will supply all your needs.” Lay hold of that, say I. Ah, say you, you are the servant; when the Master appears with you, and by his Spirit I am enabled to lay hold of the promise to see its suitability, to feel its sweetness, recognize its glory, then I can feel that this gift comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness nor shadow of turning. And so, if I have the promise of God, then I feel I am safe with it; don't care who knows I have got it. The Lord gave the promise to Abraham, gave him all its sweetness; Abraham didn't care whom he let know he had the promise. The Lord gave the same promise to Isaac; and when Jacob was at Padan-aram, the Lord gave Jacob those promises, and he took those promises with him, and those promises were the joy and rejoicing of his heart; he could tell you how he came by them. And I can tell you how I came by the first promise the Lord has ever given me. I recollect the old kitchen, and the time of the evening, and what my feelings were. “In a little wrath I hid my face from you; but with everlasting kindness”, everlasting kindness, not worn out yet, “will I have mercy”, true hitherto, “upon you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.” The promise came in, the weight which I wanted to get rid of went out, and I was as happy afterwards as I was miserable before; as righteous afterwards as I was unrighteous before; as much at liberty afterwards as I was bound up before; as much delighted with eternal things and the blessed God afterwards as I was afraid of him before. The Master, when the Savior sent his disciples, he said, “There shall meet you a man bearing a pitcher of water;” that's the servant, perhaps a kind of figure of the minister. That is all the minister can do, bear a little water to the sheep, and, “Say to the good man of the house,” don't ask the servant, or else you will clothe him with too much authority; but, “Say to the good man of the house, the Master said, where is the guest-chamber, where I shall eat the pass over with my disciples.” Just so it is here “He,” the master of the house, “will rise and give him as many as he needs.” And has not Jesus said, “If any man love me, I will come forth and serve him”? And so, it is. Why, is not this one of the points of trial with every child of God? Such a promise was a comfort to me; was that really of God? Such a sermon was a help to me; was that really of God? Such a hymn was a lift to me; was that really of God? Such a conversation with a sister or brother in the Lord was a help to me; was that really of the Lord? Such a prayer at a prayer meeting, or in a sick room, was a great lift to me; I wonder if that was of the Lord? Ah, we are often exercised about this. I never come into this pulpit with anything like real comfort, unless I have some reason to believe my text and subject are of the Lord. I can tell generally when it is of the Lord; it comes and talks to me, opens up itself to my mind; it seems to say, Now I will speak in the morning; then another says, I will speak in the evening.
When I have been knocked about, and tossed about, and pushed about, one way and another, pretty well mad, driven to my wits' end, Wednesday night, or Friday night, not a single word have I to say; in will come a scripture with power, opens up its meaning, and brings all its relations with it; and one relation has a basket of figs, another a cluster of grapes, another a little honey, another a little oil, another a little wine, another an alabaster box. It is astonishing when the Lord does a thing how nicely he can do it, can he not? We may toil, toil, and toil, till the fourth watch; presently the Master comes, and says, “Peace, be still!” all is done in a minute that the disciples had been trying to do for hours, could not do anything; the Master comes, speaks a word or two, immediately they are at the land. Who, therefore, teaches like him, or who can bless like him? who in heaven can be likened unto the Lord our God? “He will rise and give him as many as he needs.”
Look at the liberality; “as many as he needs.” Not because he is his friend; that, as we have observed, is an element in it; but because of his importunity; that importunity not being a put-on thing, but importunity arising from real necessity. It is almost a household word among us, that there is nothing avails with the Lord so much as the necessities of his people. They needed his dear Son, and that so availed with him that his dear Son he gave. They needed the blest Redeemer in the complexity of his person, and therefore, they needed that, he himself became partaker of flesh and blood, that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death. They needed that atonement, in a word, all he had done, and because they needed it, he wrought the same. And because they need, in order to be happy in heaven, conformity to him, the same immortality, incorruption, strength, and perfection of person are secured to them as that in which he himself dwells. And because in order to make them as happy as their capacity shall be great, they need heaven itself, that necessity avails, heaven they shall have, and that forever. “Enter you into the joy of your Lord.” “He will give him as many as he needs;” not lend but give. Then, you say, the Lord asks for nothing again. He asks for that which his people are sure to render, love. You cannot know that he loves you without your loving him again; you cannot have any hope even of his choosing you without your choosing him.